Phew, WHADDA week!

What a roller coaster this last week (and a half) has been. First I got a major scare because my cervix is only 3.2cm. It should be between 3.5 and 4cm. So I had to come in on an urgent appointment and be looked at. No evidence of amniotic fluid, cervix was closed. I'm given the all clear. They chalk it up to having my LEEP procedure to remove the cancerous cells several years ago. Because they neglected to get a baseline scan at my 8 week ultrasound they're not sure if it means my cervix is shortening or if that's just how long it is from the LEEP.

Well then, this past Monday rolls around and I get a call from Perinatology (high risk OB) letting me know I've been given a referral there. Um...excuse me? I wasn't told about any of this, so not only was I shocked and scared but understandably pissed. But this is Kaiser and it's kind of their MO, the patient is the very last to know and is rarely in the loop.

Well, perinatology felt my regular OB wasn't taking all the cramping and pressure I've been experiencing seriously, so they wanted another exam and ultrasound to measure cervical length done. So I'm sent into a panic for the second time in less than 10 days. I'm scheduled for 5:15pm the next day. Dan can't go because of his boss (hate that man, hate 'im!) so I'm going alone.

The next morning I get a call from OB saying they don't want to wait all day to see me (couldn't they have figured this out the day prior?) and to come immediately (which I do, and then sit in the waiting room for 45 minutes...needless to say I was not a happy camper). I finally get taken back, Tristan's heartbeat is strong and in the 150's. No evidence of amniotic fluid or dilation but they want an ultrasound for cervical length. Oh, but they can't fit me in that morning so I have to go home only to come back at 3:15pm.

Really, I'm glad everything worked out the way it did because I got a fantastic ultrasound tech who was just as enamored with Tristan as I was. We got several new pictures of his profile, I got to see how much chubbier he's getting, he was touching his face, put his thumb in his mouth and kicked around a bunch. It was such a relief to see that flicker of his heartbeat. I can't stop staring at his photos, and I had to choke back tears in the waiting room. He's the most beautiful and precious thing I've ever seen, and I can't believe this tiny, fragile creature is mine and I made him. Dan and I made this little person.

He was gulping here.

Then I had to wait in the waiting room while they interpreted the scans of my cervix. I wasn't told the length but they said it was long and closed. S-I-G-H spells relief.

Now if they go back on this a third time and change their minds yet again I think I'm going to have a meltdown of epic proportions. I do have to be seen every two weeks now, and the Perinatology nurse is going to be checking in with me every Monday to see about my symptoms and how I'm doing. I love the gals at Perinatology and wish I could just be seen there, they understand what this is like so much better than the overloaded, curt snots at OB.

I am 20 weeks and 5 days today. I can't believe Thanksgiving in is just two weeks! Oh, and I discovered milk leaking from my chesticles for real today, like gushing out. I just stood there, shocked, a little repulsed and happy all at the same time. Each little thing that solidifies this is real and in a few short months I will be a mommy is pretty damn cool.